out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We are two peas in an std pod
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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