Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
