My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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