You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
