I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
