It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
did you just send me my own nude
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
