I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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