The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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