I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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