how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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