ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
