I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sext me about skeletons
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I touched a dick in church today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
