Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
