Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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