I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
