On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
