Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
