i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
