My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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