Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
