mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
