oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
