He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
