i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
