dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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