My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
