Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
