My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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