dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
