is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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