Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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