Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
