well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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