tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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