Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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