apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
