I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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