if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize