honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
