Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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