Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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