whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
