Your dad touched me again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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