I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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