also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
