some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
