Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
