I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
