I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize