You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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