a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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