This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
