you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
