He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
