he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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