so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
