And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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