I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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