you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
