i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
