well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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