I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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