well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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